In truth, most of it needs to be forgiven and/or dismissed. We must learn to neutralize, not engage.
Myth: What my child says when angry or scared must be true.
Fact: People will say all sorts of things when they are full of emotion.
Remember, part of raising a Montessori child is that key component of innately respecting them as human beings. Yes, they are young children, but they are still people with the full range of emotions and needs of grown-ups yet with fewer of the necessary tools. If we, with all of our adult logic and coping skills still say things we don't always mean when we are upset or afraid, how much more true is this of our children?
Parents need to learn to neutralize (not engage in) a child's arguing, especially when the child is angry. Certainly we should not respond to things they say when angry. There are several Love and Logic phrases parents can use when dealing with an angry child:
- You seem upset. Let's talk again when you are calmer.
- I listen to people who don't shout at me.
- I'll listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.
- I'll be glad to discuss this when respect is shown.
- I'll be glad to discuss this with you as soon as your arguing stops.
- You are welcome to stay in the room with us when you give up that behavior.
- I love you too much to continue arguing about this. I am done talking.
- I love you and would never willingly put you in a dangerous situation. You can trust me.
- It's so sad that you're scared, but I know you will be fine.
- I would hate for you to miss out on fun things because of your fear, but that's your choice.