A Universally Unanswered Question

Why do we make decisions we know are not good? That we know will leave us unfulfilled and unhappy? We feel better when we make good decisions. And if that fact is so easily and aptly stated, then the universally unanswered question becomes...why do we make poor choices? Good question, huh? One of the most common topics of discussion among people investigating Montessori education for the first time is discipline. Everyone wants to know how we handle discipline. The answer is simple - we want control to come from within the child just as we want the desire to learn to come from within. It's more a matter of teaching self-discipline rather than teachers imposing discipline upon an unruly child. Within the realm of Montessori discipline, we have an innate respect for the child as a human being who is allowed to make choices - both good and bad - and offer the grace for that child to learn how to handle the consequences of those decisions. One of the basic tenants of Montessori discipline is empathy with consequences. In life, there are natural boundaries and expectations. Sometimes those boundaries and expectations can be frustrating, challenging, or make us sad. When a child encounters a boundary or expectation, we extend them the right to openly express their feelings and we empathize with their plight. As adults, we all know how it feels to be frustrated or sad or whatever. We share in the child's emotional state while still enforcing the boundary or expectation. Montessori discipline is often prefaced by statements like:

• I understand how frustrating that must be.


• That must be really disappointing.


• How sad!


• I hope that works out for you.


• What a challenge!

This important step in the discipline process helps the child learn that we understand how they feel and that their feelings are valid. When we acknowledge a child's emotions, we're teaching them to think about how their choices make them feel and what that choice costs them thus bringing the child one step closer to being able to approach a situation with forethought and self-control.

When was the last time you made a choice that left you feeling haggard, sad, or frustrated. As adults we are very capable of thinking through our decisions and rationally choosing the best path. Yet we still make mistakes daily that leave us disappointed in ourselves. If we, as competent human beings, make such blunders how much more so should we expect young children to do so? We simply cannot hold children to a standard that we, ourselves, cannot adhere to. It is imperative that we approach discipline with empathy and compassion bringing them as close as possible to total self-control. And see if the next generation can discover the answer to this universally unanswered question...