"Any child who is self-sufficient, who can tie his shoes, dress or undress himself, reflects in his joy and sense of achievement the image of human dignity, which is derived from a sense of independence."
One of our primary goals for Montessori students is a hightened level of independence. As a Montessori parent, one compliment you are likely to often receive is that your child seems "older and more mature" than other children his age. People see and acknowledge independence as an admirable trait, but many don't understand the reason why it's so important to a child's development or how to help the child acheive an appropriate level of independence.
As Montessorians, we believe that a child's level of independence is directly linked to his level of self-concept and ability. The more independent a child is, the stronger his self-concept, and, in turn, his level of ability to acheive success. It may sound simplistic, but it's the same concept as The Little Engine That Could - "I think I can. I think I can." When a child achieves a task on his own, his belief in his ability to tackle and succesfully complete new and unfamiliar tasks (i.e. academic skills) skyrockets. And studies show that a student's level of independence and self-concept are more strongly correlated to long-term academic success than IQ. In other words, an average, independent child with a strong self-concept will likely do better in school than a child who simply has a high IQ. There is no way to stress how important your child's independence is in the long run. It effects everything.
So the question, then, is how to develop an appropriate level of independence? It's tricky because expecting too much of a child causes frustrations as does expecting too little. Every child is different, but in general, there are age appropriate tasks that will help every child achieve the next level of independence.
Primary children ages three to six should be able to complete basic self-care tasks alone such as dressing, toileting, and fixing a snack and cleaning up when done. Children this age can also assist with household chores such as folding towels, setting the table for dinner, feeding an animal, and much more.
Lower elementary children ages six to nine can build on those primary foundations and continue to learn to choose their own clothes for each day, fix their own hair, and pack their lunch for school. If properly taught, they are capable of loading and unloading a dishwasher, folding a load of clothes, helping prepare dinner, and caring for a pet.
Upper elementary children ages nine to twelve are ready to be exposed to (not competent in) life skills such as doing their own laundry, prearing full meals, and handling finances (such as saving money, budgeting for needed items). They can learn to help with planning family trips by researching hotels and calculating gas costs. There are so many "life skill" opportunities for children this age. Think about things they need to know for life and start exposing them to these ideas now. Build their confidence while you still have them in a controlled and safe environment. Otherwise, you end up with a college sophomore who's $10,000 in credit card debt and still bringing his laundry home to you.
The ultimate guiding question for any true Montessori parent is "can/should my child do this task alone?" As parents, it is so easy to get caught up in doing what is convenient and easy for us. Yes, it's quicker to put the shoes on the three year old yourself and rush out the door. But you've stolen a piece of your child's joy and independence when you do. Your seven year old may drop a dinner plate and break it. That's okay. Help him learn how to clean it up. (I broke a plate the other day and I'm 35.)
If you're not sure if a task/chore/skill is age appropriate - ask. Ask other parents you trust and admire. Ask your child's Montessori teacher. Ask your mother. Ask yourself - am I doing this for my child because it's convenient or because I think she can't do it alone?
A great book to read on this specific topic is How To Raise An Amazing Child The Montessori Way. The book is available for $13.60 at Amazon.com. We highly recommend it.
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