Seeing the Child

"The adult must find within himself the still unknown error that prevents him from seeing the child as he is."

One basic idea in the Montessori philosophy is that every child carries unseen within him the man he will become. In order to develop his physical, intellectual and spiritual powers to the fullest, he must have freedom within limits. One of the first things a Montessori teacher learns to do is constantly look for that person who is not yet there. The teacher must have a kind of faith that the child will reveal himself. It's so much less about creating a child to be who we expect him to be and more about allowing the child to develop into the human being he is meant to be.

As competent adults, it is our responsibility to set reasonable standards and high expectations for a child. It is not, however, our job to dictate the path a child will take to reach those standards and expectations. The child must be left free (within boundaries) to develop his own pesonality, skills, and abilities and discover for himself who he is and how he will approach life. And rarely will it look exactly like the way we would do it - because he is a child and we are adults.

In the end, does it really matter how the child got his shoes on his feet as long as they are on? Is it beneficial for us to point out how it could be done more quickly or efficiently? Do we really think talking about how something should be done is better than him learning for himself how it can be done? Celebrate the fact the he got them on and have faith that when he is 10 years old he will be more adept at getting his shoes on than when he is four.

How a nine year old girl handles disagreements with her school friends may not look anything like what we would choose to do, but she must learn for herself what it means to be a good friend and figure out her own relationship road. Yes, we can offer guidance and suggestions and impose natural consequences when necessary, but we can't be her and we certainly can't force her to be us. Believe the best for your child. She will, given time and enough life experience, learn to be a good friend and choose good friends.

Let's be gracious with the children in our charge. They are not adults - yet. They're working hard to develop into competent, joyful, successful humans and rather than frustrate them with our "prison warden" mentality of do it now and do it our way, let us celebrate their baby steps into the world around them as they explore, learn, grow, change direction, backtrack, and charge headlong into life. As Dr. Montessori taught "it is the child who makes the man, and no man exists who was not made by the child he once was."